The Teahouse at the End of the Story

There is a restaurant at the end of the universe. Yes, at the end.  Outside of the universe.  If you have trouble with this concept, I offer up this explanation:

Rory: What is this place? The Scrapyard at the End of the Universe?
The Doctor: Not end of. Outside of.
Rory: How can we be outside the Universe? The Universe is everything.
The Doctor: Imagine a great big soap bubble with one of those tiny little bubbles on the outside.
Rory: Okay.
The Doctor: Well, it’s nothing like that.  [Doctor Who Series 6: “The Doctor’s Wife.”  Written by Neil Gaiman.]

Now then.  This restaurant has been referenced in several shows (Stargate and HG2G, for example), almost as a sort of in-joke among authors.  This brings me to my next point.

Authors are regularly cruel to characters.  It’s a part of our job description.  We’re forced to injure and create miserable darlings who cause our innocent little readers great pain, misery and tears.

Actually, if I were to generalize, I would say that most of us enjoy it to some extent.  Allow me to quote the excellent Mirriam Neal from Thoughts of a Shieldmaiden:

“With other people’s characters: OH YOU POOR BABY, COME HERE LET ME LOVE YOU I WILL NEVER LET ANYONE HARM YOU POOR THING SHHH DON’T CRY YOU’RE SAFE NOW.
With your own characters: His family is dead, his lover has left him, he’s barely recovered from a fatal disease, he’s been tortured in front of his best friend, kept barely alive inside a dungeon, and has just had his arm torn off.
….

….
….
Let’s stab him.”

This apt description isn’t to say we author don’t feel for our characters, though.  I have a new victim chap in my newest project, Bridled, who I weep for, so please don’t decide that I’m completely heartless.  In an endeavor to prove this fact, I have a proposition.

We need a teahouse.  A teahouse at the end of the story, where all the characters can go and drink tea (or coffee, if they are brainwashed so inclined) and rest.  And authors could write nice little fanfics and poems about their favorite characters to whose fanclubs they belong, and nice people who care would work there.  You could stand by with band-aids and coconut ice cream after a traumatic scene.  For instance, I could sit my new chap I mentioned earlier down with a cuppa peppermint tea and a heart specialist and his daughter like the poor fellow so desperately needs.  And think!  Your characters could talk to other characters who can sympathize and other authors who want to be nice and baby them, and you have a form of appeasement to give your readers.  Everybody lives!  Plus, the potential for crossovers abounds!

Who would you send to the teahouse at the end of the story, and who would they talk to?

tea house

For Further Reading
Why Crossovers are Important
What Might Be the Most Scariest Trail in the World — ViralNova

(Featured image can be found here.  The equally awesome endcap photo was taken by Monica Arellano Ongpin.)

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25 thoughts on “The Teahouse at the End of the Story

  1. *grins* Awesome post, Shawneth 🙂 (And ooh! First comment! ^_^)

    I’d leave Zac. He needs time to figure out his family and friends, and just sit down with all of them. Like his mom, for one. And Anis and his dad, and all the other guys in and around his life. They’ll have a tea party. With chicken pasties, to boot.

    Carrin wouldn’t sit and drink tea, but I’ve always been of a mind to cross her over with one of Varon’s characters, who seem similarly tight-lipped. And I’ve always had a soft spot in my heart for CLB and Philli, though I don’t know why O.O

    As far as other stories, well….those are secrets! *holds close* Musn’t share them, precious! O.O

    (People who read this will think I’m a weird person. Well, I’m not. I’m merely burned out on an english paper…)

    Andrew

    1. Thanks, Andrew! *grins* CLB and Philli? Now I want you to write these crossovers. o.O ^_^

      This teahouse really must serve chicken pastries… And hafs for Anis. 😉

  2. I would send Charles, a humble, bumbling brown and white cat, and his depressed friend Wesley, a yellow canary. I would send Mr. and Mrs. Snipe (they are the depressed people that always look at you when you play in the yard) and Violet, my most favorite character, a sad, dark girl who cannot speak nor move, but has the power to alter reality, and yet is afraid of it at the same time. They would sit down and stare at each other, and not say a word, while they drank hot cocoa and strawberry milkshakes, except for Charles, who likes Earl Grey with sugar.

    And great idea Firefly!

    1. Thanks for commenting, Franklin! Those sound like an interesting crew… I quite approve of Charles’ preferred drink. 😉

      Firefly? Is this my new nickname? 😉

  3. What a fantastic idea! I have the feeling some of my characters would object to tea, but they would probably drink coffee, at least.

  4. I’d send Abigail, from my work-on-hold Three Dark Roses. She’s dealing with multiple, conflicting backstories and a generally angsty life, as well as health problems, so I think she’d like somewhere peaceful, even if she doesn’t have coffee in her world.

  5. My Dragoness hath a blogses!!! O.O Squeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!! *is torn between hugging Bets or doing a happy dance with her*

    Okay, I admit when I hopped on G+ and saw your post my heart ceased beating momentarily in stunned shock (at least I’m pretty sure it did). And then I got chills….multiple chills…. of excitement/delight/amazement….and then when I got here!!! *pauses to bounce and squeal*
    I loves it, Bets!!!! Everything about it just smacks of the Kirkwood and it maketh the Cinth very, very happy. *promptly adds ze blog awesomeness to her bookmarks* ^_^

    Epic post! (‘course any post that combines Writerness and Doctor Who would be epic. ^_^) Epic idea also, that teahouse at the end of the story! Can I join Colin and Imo, pretty please? :cutebeggingface: I’d like a cuppa peppermint tea too. 😀 As for my own characters…. *thinks* Are animals allowed? 😉 😀 I have a feeling Henna would benefit greatly from this teahouse. *nodsnods* She would sit in the farthest corner and sip tea (any flavour, but NO coffee!! Loved that coffee “slam” by the way. ;)) while shyly taking in all the new people/sights. And Seth would have multiple mugs of coffee, so black and bitter one could almost chew it, whilst pretending not to be closely watching everyone. (By the way, never let me let Faye into this place. That would be bad. O.o) Quinn would likely either sit by himself or else join Lars since they’re both quiet chaps. 🙂 (I just thought of something…Lars and Colin might meet in this place! o.O)

    I have a feeling I shall be stalking your new premises often. You’ll have to build me a wee shack to sleep on. *nods* 😉 Post muchly!! Please. ^_^

    Heaps ‘o excited congrats from ~ Cinth

    1. Hugging me and happy-dancing with me aren’t mutually exclusive, I suppose. *grins widely at Cinth* ^_^ 😀 I’m so glad you are excited!!!

      The wonderful blog theme was picked out by the equally wonderful Katie/janinofyen; didn’t she do a fantastic job?! 😀

      And of course you can join Colin and Imo! We’ll keep Lars and Colin in separate rooms. 😉 I like the mental image of your characters all acting differently from each other… Quinn and Lars might get along well, then! 😉

      My dear, you have permission to stalk whenever you like. ^_^ 😀
      ~Bets

  6. I would leave Regillion… but if I did the tea/coffee house would probably go out of business due to lack of customers XD A tall, dark, cloaked, glaring, unsocial, foreboding figure standing in the corner isn’t exactly going to rocket your sales XD

    But Nevaeh, the social butterfly, would enjoy herself. Even if Regillion was seething with jealously that she was paying attention to other people beside himself XD

    1. They sound like quite a cast of characters! 😀 Social butterflies are an asset; most of my characters seem to be rather unsociable. o.O Thanks for commenting! 🙂

  7. Mwahahahaaaa, I would leave… hmm… Joey Nelson, Darian Steele, Ray (who is a fox and not a human), Rowan, Vardamir, Rarrick… I would just dump everybody there, really. XD

    Joey, Ray, and Darian would be the most amusing to see. Darian’s an antisocial and suspicious character who pretty much only trusts his older brother Viggo. Joey’s a sarcastic and slightly dim-witted gangster (don’t worry, he’s a failure at being a gangster; he’s just a wannabe) who thrives on pushing people’s buttons to annoy them.

    And Ray (shortened version of Sunray) is a fox. He’s hyper, bouncy, talks at about eighty miles per hour, and lives on doing things to annoy people. He’s wayyyy worse than Joey.

    And all this just to irritate other characters to death. XD

  8. I’d send in my still unnamed MC. He needs the emotional support after what I’m gonna’ put him through. xD I’ll probably send Michael in with him, though at best he’ll stay off by himself, at worst he’ll start a brawl. 🙄

    Love the blog, Elizabeth; and I look forward to many more posts. 😀

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